so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
