his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just found puke in my bra..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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