Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
