I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
