wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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