He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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