I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
