you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize