So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
