I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
