I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
