He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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