I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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