Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
