I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
