My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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