Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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