Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
