In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
