so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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