Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
