I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
