you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
