Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
