oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
