Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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