I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
