Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's like iHOP with fire
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
