yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
