Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
