Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
