I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
