You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
In America we eat man semen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
