the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
