why didn't you poke me back
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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