i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
