Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
