I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
