Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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