I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
