matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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