Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
