S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
