Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
