Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
