I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
