Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
