he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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