I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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