why do cheetos always look like penises
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
