Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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