dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sarcasm needs its own font
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
