if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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