what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
