i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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